you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
