You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
