The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
