My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
