So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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