Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
