Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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