go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
