we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
