Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
