Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
