1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
