Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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