idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
