you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
