Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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