Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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