these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
