I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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