I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
