i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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