did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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