tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
