there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
