the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
