hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
