YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
