Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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