I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
