He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
