I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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