sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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