i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
