Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
