yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
