you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
