If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize