I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
