Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
