I can't watch pbs sober anymore
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
