I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
