I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
