his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
