Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
