3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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