Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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