watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
