Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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