I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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