Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
