I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
