my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
