bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
