Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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