I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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