I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
They took my balls.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
