dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
