shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
